Last night my suburban wife and I attended a wedding. Having been married for 8 years, with kids for 5 of those 8 years, attending a wedding of this sort was both a shock to the system and a great reminder.

The Shock

First, it was a shock to the system. It was by no means a bad wedding. The food and drink were great, and the couple put on a great party. It just felt very foreign to us. I’m sure you’re familiar with the feeling. “This life used to be normal, but somehow it feels off”. Not in a bad way, just off.

The bride and groom are 2 years younger than my wife. A 2 year difference can be minimal, or it can be momentous. When those two years include kids, job changes, a mortgage, etc, it was momentous for us. Not only did it start later than we normally do anything (constrained to the routines of small children), but it’s been a long time since we had the opportunity to choose to do late night events simply because we wanted to.

Picture it this way: When you are in college, your life feels normal. You’re going through it day after day. Whatever the groups, parties, or identities you join and craft, it’s normal. 10 years later, few people live the same lifestyle. Not only that, but if you put them in the same situations, it feels a bit foreign. And as a society, we believe this is both true and a good thing. If someone still acts like they are in college 10 years later, we normally see a maturity issue at play.

And so it was with us last night. We were in the room, partaking of the wedding celebration, but it just felt a little bit foreign.

The Reminder

But also, the wedding was a great reminder. At times it feels like I’ve been married forever. I can remember the period of time between getting married and having kids and having a double income and no kids (DINK if you will). I can remember before we were married and, despite working on a masters degree, having plenty of free time to do what I wanted. But those times feel like a lifetime away. Gone are the days of traveling the country to play sports. Gone are the days of having a healthy restaurant budget each month. Gone are the days of choosing to get up and go somewhere on the weekend for no reason whatsoever.

Sitting through the wedding, we were presented with someone else’s vision for what a wedding should look like, and that, in turn, presented us with the things we liked better about ours. This is not to say that ours was better, simply that ours was ours. From the venue, to the officiant, to the music, to the time of day, these are all things that we made difference choices that felt more like us. The joys of that day, the blur that it was, but also the points that are crystal clear when our memories that we made.

In conclusion, it was great to attend the wedding, but also to be reminded that we are at a different stage of life, further down the road, and to be happy and content with that.

-SF