We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Preamble to the Constitution of the United States of America

Have you met our neighbor the Joneses? They’ve been living in the Suburbs since before we were. If you peek over the fence into their manicured yard, you’ll see they have the all toys my son would like to have, the pets my daughter would like to have, the clothes my wife would like to have, and the peace and quiet I would like to have. Somehow they have a higher income, while working less hours, and keep everything together. They are truly living the American dream, established by our founding fathers, while our welfare is less, our domestic tranquility is less, and we feel like we are missing the blessings of liberty.

It’s amazing how the suburbs have changed our perspective on life. It’s provided us space to grow, space to call our own, space to create our lives in. And yet our worlds seem so small compared to others. Outside my window a Cherry tree is in full bloom, but I notice the weeds in the grass (or rather the grass growing between the weeds). My focus is drawn to that which is lesser, instead of that which is beautiful and good. Rather than get lost in the blossoms being blown by the wind, I worry that the bushes are an eyesore. Rather than gaze in wonder at the home my income allows us to live in, I see the molding that needs to be re-caulked, and the ceilings that are not the same shade of white. Somehow the suburbs have provided both a freedom and a cage at the same time.

This issue presents a huge challenge to suburban fatherhood. It pushes us to work longer hours, while bemoaning the vacations the Jones family gets. It creates tensions over financial discussions, how much to spend today vs. save for tomorrow. It builds walls between us and the Joneses, rather than letting us live together in harmony. How do we solve this problem?

We have to start with an uncomfortable truth – the American Dream does not mean everyone will be a millionaire, or that everyone will have peace and happiness. It means we have freedom: freedom to live, freedom to love, freedom to pursue our passions. It means the general welfare is held up. That all men (and women) have the same general protections and opportunities (more on this in a bit). It means that we have certain inalienable rights that are true for all citizens. Nowhere in this does it say that I will be as successful as the Joneses. Or that we will have what they have.

Then we have to give ourselves, and the Joneses, grace. Grace that says it’s OK if we don’t make as much, or have as much, or get as much rest. Grace that says we are successful if we provide for our family and teach our kids the right way to live. Grace that does not build up walls and push the Jones family away just because they have been blessed differently than us. Grace to see the cherry tree instead of the weeds.

*Note, while the Constitution was written to ensure all peoples have the same opportunities and protections, I readily recognize it has been a 250 year struggle to have that applied regardless of gender, race, socioeconomic status, or other dividing factors.