No parent likes hearing the words “I don’t feel well” from their child. Sometimes you hear it when picking them up early from school, other times you hear it in the middle of the night. The words by themselves don’t tell you as much as the rest of the context: how they are walking, what their voice sounds like, the color of their skin, what their immediate next words are, etc.

This morning we heard it at 6:30 am when our son walked into the room. He sounded normal and his next words were, “I think I need to lie on the couch and watch shows all day.” Parental suspicion immediately kicked in and special detectives Mommy and Daddy started asking questions. “What do you mean?” “Where does it hurt?” “Can we get you some water?” Each answer was scrutinized to determine our response and the level of care that may be needed.

In this specific example, the questions continued to revolve around watching shows on the TV. Turns out he wanted everything he gets when he is well, plus the ability to lie on the couch and watch TV. Any ill effects were likely do to blooming plants and flowers triggering some allergies. No fever was detected and only a mild irritability had taken hold. We still treated him with some of the same basic rules for someone who is sick, but didn’t need to create a large plan for patient care and nurturing.

Had the answers been different we would have set him up with a nice comfy spot, given plenty of water, and provided a calm place to rest. In his mind, he was sick to the point of needing to be immobilized. In reality he is slightly under the weather, but will be fine by the end of the day.

I can definitely relate to him. I remember as a child feeling a tickle in the back of the throat that became a “sore throat” to stay home from school, which was followed up by playing games most of the day. Or suddenly “feeling better” when friends were home from school when I was really sick so I could get to play outside.

In our heads we morph reality to fit what we want it to look like. This manifests itself differently for everyone. Some of us like to pretend we are sick (or healthy) in order to get what we want. Others like to make up rules that only apply to themselves (“I have to live my life like this, while everyone else is held to a lower standard”). Still others (especially in the professional world) create a skewed world that views them as much more accomplished than they really are.

The worst part about these skewed realities, is when they come shattering down. When you find out you’re really not sick enough to spend the day on the couch like you hoped. When you find out that no matter how much you try to follow the rules for yourself, you never quite make it to the level of the people with lower standards. Or when you get your performance review and find out that management doesn’t view you the way that you view yourself. These days hurt, they feel like you have been wronged. Yet we neglect that the only reason we felt that way was because we skewed our reality in the first place. Let’s try to take a healthy view of ourselves and our surroundings.

Cheers,

-SF