Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.

Albert Einstein

There are many life changing moments when you are a father. There’s the moment you find out the blue lines appeared on the home pregnancy test, the moment you hear the heartbeat for the first time and see you child moving around, the seeming eternity during labor and delivery, and then the biggest of all, when they send you home with a child that’s only been breathing on their own for 24 hours and no detailed instruction books or reset button. It’s a wonder humanity has survived as long as it has!

I can remember each of these moments vividly for both of our children. Yes, by the second it was not “new”, but it was still another step on the journey of suburban fatherhood. For someone like myself who likes to believe they are well prepared for life, it’s a shock to the system, a wake up call that I am so very inadequately prepared for real life. And yet the days continue, the new experiences pile up and decisions have to be made.

It’s these moments that changed me from someone who played video games before going to work, into someone who changes wet beds at 2 am. From someone who destroyed an old copier with a baseball bat into someone who gets pummeled by a toddler who doesn’t want to leave yet. From someone who traveled to play sports to someone who changes hundreds of diapers, and enjoys every minute of it.

It’s ironic that in helping to build the life for a child, I am called to die to so much of what I used to think made up my life. I am growing as much as my children are, in my love for them, in my humility, in my sacrifice, in my understanding of my own journey.

But in growing, I am also failing. Anyone who tries something new makes mistakes, and my parenting is riddled with them. I provoke my children in the name of “teaching” them the right way to live. I react with emotion when they push my buttons instead of remembering how I felt when I was their age. I have thoughts on what activities I want them involved in based on how they impact my schedule. I want to be their ruler, not their loving father.

So what’s the answer? I think it is four-fold:

• Take deep breaths -> Life is not perfect and I am not perfect. When I find myself getting worked up over facts like that, it’s time to do what I tell our kids to do, “take a deep breath and count to 10”.
• Find an example to follow -> In this life there are better fathers and worse fathers. Find someone who has walked the path ahead of you and use their counsel. As you look for a perfect example of fatherhood to follow, you may be surprised at what it teaches you about yourself.
• Find comfort in company -> Don’t try to do it alone. There are many of us on parallel paths, stumbling along. If we come together, perhaps we’ll be able to help each other up when we stumble.
• Give yourself grace -> American society has been unpacking how your “story” is formed by your parents and experiences for a while now. But remember that no matter what your background, no one mistake is going to mess up your kids forever. We all come from imperfect fathers, and will be imperfect fathers.

Oh, and full disclosure, the picture above is not me, it’s licensed under the creative commons license. But I can 100% sympathize with both the child and the father in this picture.